Let's Get Physical!

Well, this is more theory than practice for me these days. I can bend alright from the knees when I must, but heaving my bulk off the floor is an interesting exercise (ho ho) in leverage mechanics. Even my upper-body strength appears to have dribbled away, which is more than a little disheartening. But if you think I'm taking all this weakening lying down, then you're sorely mistaken. I have been exercising to keep my strength up - as should be evident in the following diagrams:

Things that go 'bump' in the night

Alright. It's nothing like the cringe-worthy YouTube videos, but here's the Bean doing his thang just before he settles down to sleep. Nearly 32 weeks.

Ambivalence

Well, we're at about 31.5 weeks now - and the posts are slowing, as nothing much seems to change from week to week.

I get to see more and more movement from the outside as the Bean wriggles around in his wee 1-bedder. I was hoping to film some exciting bulges and ripples last night, but he must have sensed the camera through layers of skin and muscle, and decided that he wasn't going to play at his usual time. Obstreperous. Just like his mother father. Never mind, I'll catch him one day.

I have to admit that I still don't feel very emotionally invested in the Bean. That's not to say I wouldn't be devastated by a stillbirth at this stage, but I do wonder how much of that devastation would be due to missing out on the little person that I've spent the last 7 months looking after, and how much would be along the lines of "All that work for nothing!!". It sounds horribly callous when I write it like that, but I'm trying to be honest here. Simply put though, I've never met the guy - from my point of view, he's the source of nausea, reflux, constant internal prodding and sleepless nights. I'm still waiting for the good bits to happen. And yes, I do worry that it won't be love at first sight when B-day comes, but from what I've read and heard, it isn't always that anyway. And I'm not even considering post-natal depression at this point, either.

And I really do resent people telling me how much I'll love him, and how I should be planning the next one already, and how good I should feel in this part of the pregnancy. I hope I *will* love him desperately; his only-childhood-ness or not is nobody's business but mine and hubby's; and I'm sorry to say that there's very little about the experience of pregnancy which would tempt me to do it a second time. No, not even this part of it.

Enough said. I'm taking grumpy hormones offline before they get me into any more trouble.

I am the Egg-man ... I am the Walrus!

Goo-goo-gah-joob. I'm now at 30 weeks. And I haven't been reporting much, as there's little to report on besides continuous expansion. I used to have this little mole right next to my belly-button. I mean right next to it. It's now a foot away from the navel and appears to be making its way around to my back. Continental drift has nothing on me!

Speaking of the belly-button - I have a feeling that it's as 'out' as it's ever going to get. The change there hasn't been so much innie to outie, as much as it's been stretched to ten times it's normal size and now is a sort of flattened carunculation marking the midpoint of the belly.

I'm also gaining about a kilo a week. According to various weight-gain charts, this is about double what I should be gaining. I'm not entirely sure where it's all coming from. I'm not a mass of fluid retention, I don't eat six meals a day, I've even stopped scarfing down huge portions of chocolate and ice-cream. But the weight just keeps on coming. I keep telling myself that dieting can happen later and I shouldn't feel too guilty about what I'm putting away now, as long as there's some semblance of a 'balanced' diet in there somewhere.

Some things I haven't read about pregnancy but I've experienced:

Good days vs bad days. By this, I mean that some days I feel sick as a dog after eating, the Bean seems to be continually prodding me in the least comfortable areas he can find, I sleep miserably, it hurts when I bend over to tie my shoes, I'm out of breath more, and I feel like my stomach is about to tear under the pressure of Bean and his pickling fluid. On good days, I can sit down, and almost forget I'm pregnant. My appetite is 'normal', and I don't feel vile after eating. The stomach skin feels like it's had a huge collagen injection (or what I imagine one would feel like), nice and elastic, and plenty of room for Bean, even when he's kicking up a storm. And on those days, the kicks are more entertaining than annoying, even when it feels like he's got both feet against a rib, and is trying to push off in the other direction. The midwife explained that a lot of this good vs bad can be due simply to Bean's position inside - a breech position is more likely to give me a bad day, and when it's bottoms up, I'll probably feel a little more comfortable. Now I just have to work out how to get him to put the head down a little more often!

Itching. Sure, I've read a lot about people with itchy bellies, but that isn't my problem. All the way through this experience, it's been my back. In the first few weeks it was bad enough that it appeared I had some sort of rash. That faded after a while (and some self-discipline on my part), but lately, the itch has come back. It's not unbearable, just noticeable - mostly because it's impossible to reach! Some days I feel like a portly pony whose only aim is to find a nice fence post to rub against.

Anti-natal?

So, first ante-natal class this week. And first real hit of 'culture shock' for us: At some point all the couples needed to agree on a Group Contract (obviously I wasn't the only one who had no idea what this should entail - we all sat around dumbly, while the instructor populated the list with things like "Start & Finish on time" and "You don't have to answer questions if you don't want to"). At some point, someone did volunteer a point about maybe keeping mobile phones on silent or switched off. Both hubs and I immediately reached into our pockets with a guilty grin, and switched ours off. But here's the thing. Out of 30 people in the room, we were the ONLY ONES. Obviously most people here just pull the string taut and yodel into a tin can when they need to get in touch with someone in a hurry.

We also went through an exercise involving matching terms to their definitions. "What's the large muscular organ that contains the baby, amniotic fluid & placenta?". Best answer: "The Female".

Reality Bites

I was just nipped by the thought...

Right now, junior is roughly 1kg in weight. When he comes out, he's going to be at LEAST 3kg. At LEAST. That's 2kg more growth.

Okay, now I'm worried.

Fancy Footwork

Well, we're up to week 27. Thirteen loooong weeks to go (at least!?).

Every week seems to take an eternity to crawl by. I know there are a lot of parents out there who would probably tell me to relish the last few weeks without being ruled by Baby, but frankly, I'm already ruled by the little sod! Last night as I lay in bed trying to find a comfy sleeping position, he tap-danced on my intestines, can-can'd on my colon, boogied on my bladder, and was getting intimate with a little stomach salsa.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know he's still in there and going strong, but I wish he'd take up a less energetic pursuit. Chess, perhaps?

Thinking of dancing .. and feet in particular. I seem to developing a more and more distant relationship with mine. I can still contort myself enough to put on shoes and socks, but I'm starting to get concerned about things like toe-nail clipping. At what point will this happy past-time elude my grasp? Is it really okay to make one's husband do the clippy work?

Not much else to report. I'm still not exercising anywhere near as much as I should be (my aerobic 'step' is eyeing me accusingly as I type), and probably eating way more sugar than I ought. I went for the diabetes test on Thursday, so once I'm given the all-clear (fingers crossed!), the chocolate binge can resume guilt-free! At this point, I'd go as far as maiming someone for a packet of M&Ms.

Ooh, I've also just weirded myself out watching a whole bunch of 'pregnant stomach movement' videos on YouTube - to the accompaniment of many astonished profanities provided by hubby. There are some VERY vigorous babies out there, that's all I can say, and I'm suddenly grateful for the fact that Bean here is too puny to make much of an 'outside' impression as yet. Yet another thing to look forward to. Hurrah.